Crazy German officials are banning their countrymen from speaking English - threatening to fine anyone caught using our lingo.

The action is being taken to halt the flood of English words that are finding their way into everyday use in Germany. Experts there claim that the biggest culprits are taxi drivers, airport and rail workers, and radio and TV stations.

Ironically, the move follows a warning issued by chiefs of industry that young Germans should learn the English language - or face life on the dole queue.

Berlin senator Eckart Werthebach is the man behind the ban. He wants fines of £20; for individuals and small companies each time they are caught using English. Bigger firms would face penalties of up to £2000;.

Werthebach, who claims a similar system has worked in France said - in German, of course:

"With the massive invasion of English, we have to protect the language and work for those people who don't know English at all."

His move is supported by the Society for the Preservation of German. A spokesman said:

"We will fight in the streets for German."

In recent years, English words including event, statement, sale, shopping, happy, cancel and relax have replaced their German equivalents in industry and advertising.

German Rail and the telephone giant Deutsche Telecom are among the biggest "offenders". Taxi drivers have also sparked a storm by using signs saying "Fasten your seatbelts" instead of "Bitte anschnallen".

However many German businesses say it is essential to speak English. Car giant Mercedes even pays for its workers to take language lessons.

English comedian Stan Boardman last night blasted the move to ban our language. He joked:

"There's only one way to fight back - we'll all have to start speaking German."